Gentleness (Phil. 4:4)

As has often been observed, Jesus referred to himself as gentle when speaking about his teaching qualifications (Matt. 11:28-30). In his self description he chose to link it with humility, indicating that gentleness and humility are twin features to be expected not only in the teacher, but also in his disciples because it was the case that disciples imitated as well as learned from their teacher. So it goes without saying that a Christian who is making progress in the Christian life will be gentle, and therefore we should not be surprised that it is contained in the list of features that comprise the fruit of the Spirit.

Broadranging quality

The term translated gentleness has a range of meanings, including forbearance, considerateness and kindness as well as gentleness, and we see an example of that in Philippians 4:5, where the option depends on which Bible version is used. All these outlooks are inter-connected and perhaps are manifestations of the same attitude in different situations. A gentle person will tolerate a view that he does not agree with as long as the view is not wrong; a gentle person will not want to harm others so he will be careful how he interacts with them; a gentle person will show concern for those in need. 

It is important to recognise what Paul is not talking about when he refers to gentleness. For example, he is not talking about shyness. Many a person who is shy in public is not gentle at home. Nor is he referring to the kind of tolerance that never disagrees with what is wrong in order to keep an imagined peace. A gentle person will be angry when he or she should be. Jesus was angry when he cleared the temple, but he remained gentle. As a matter of fact, it is an impressive sight to see a gentle person angry. When a rash person expresses anger, the response of others is likely to be that they think he has lost his temper again. But they will note when a gentle person is angry because of sin.  

 

Leadership quality

If we to ask who is the most prominent person in the Old Testament, the usual answer would be Moses, and he is described as the meekest man on the earth, the most gentle man on the earth. In the New Testament, the most prominent person would be Paul and he often refers to his gentleness, such as when he writes to the Thessalonians and describes himself and his colleagues as nurses. 

Therefore, we should not be surprised to read that gentleness is an essential qualification for an elder in a congregation: ‘Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money….’ (1 Tim. 3:2-3). But we should not be surprised at that necessity because an elder, of all Christians, should be marked by the fruit of the Spirit.

Visible quality

Paul reminds the Philippians that their gentleness has to be seen by others: ‘Let your gentleness be known to all men.’ At the very least, Paul is asserting that gentleness is an essential aspect of Christian witness. This, of course, means that ungentle words or actions will damage a person’s witness among those who know him. That danger can be widened to include the witness of a congregation because Paul is not only writing to them as individuals.

Further, the necessity of visible gentleness raises the question as to what we desire to be known for. Paul’s words indicate what the outside world needs to see. It is certainly the case that gentleness is not usually how individuals or companies in society want to be identified. They assume that such an attitude will cause a person to become a pushover, someone who can easily be dismissed. Perhaps that may happen if a person hides his gentleness, but if he shows it, he will not be a pushover. In any case, this instruction by Paul reveals that what people see is important. After all, one’s neighbours in a godless society will never recognise if we are Godfearing, but they will recognise if we are gentle. 

Why is gentleness important to Christian witness? If I speak to others about Jesus in a gentle way, they will think that Jesus is gentle because they will think that the servant is like his Master. They will also think that other disciples will be gentle since we are all meant to be the same. So a failure to be gentle minimises Christian witness. It turns the perception of truth into something it is not.

Spiritual quality

When we think about the teaching method of Jesus, there is one crucial difference between his and that of others. Perhaps an illustration will help us. No doubt, many teachers are frustrated because it seems impossible to get their knowledge into the heads of their pupils. The problem would be solved if the teacher could get into their minds. Jesus, we can say, does not have that problem with his students, his disciples, because the Holy Spirit lives in them. He is there on a mission to make them Christlike.

As the indwelling Spirit, he works gently. We are aware of descriptions of him that indicate this reality: he is like a dove or a gentle wind. We know that he is sensitive to and saddened by our faults because they grieve him. How does the Holy Spirit communicate gentleness? The answer is straightforward. He uses the means of grace, both public and individual. If a disciple ceases to use the manual (the Bible), how can he expect to be guided into the paths of gentleness? If a disciple ceases to speak to the Teacher (prayer), how can he expect to be helped in discovering how to grow in gentleness? If a pupil does not bother turning up for the classroom (church services), how does he know what the other pupils learning the same subject look like?

 

Practical illustrations

I suppose if there is a task I would not enjoy, it would be the person who has to carry the priceless items that are up for bidding in one of the wealthy auction houses. Gentleness in carrying them would be very important. Having said that, everyone handles fragile items that they regard as precious, perhaps handed down from grandparents or even further back than them, or maybe an item that recalls a special occasion in their life. They are very careful when carrying it, even when dusting it. Maybe we have watched people being careful and gentle with an item. That common incident is a reminder that gentleness has to be seen, and Paul states that gentleness has to be consistent (all the time) and comprehensive (seen by all we contact). 

An obvious area in which gentleness must be seen is in Christian relationships and there is an example of a failure in this area in this chapter of Philippians in the breakdown between Euodia and Syntyche. Instead of being gentle with one another, they were having a prolonged disagreement. Paul knew that they should not be living with that outlook, even if each of them felt justified in having it. He was so concerned that he asked the person called ‘loyal yokefellow’ to focus on bringing those women together. They were hindering one another regarding spiritual progress.

Paul mentions another example where gentleness is necessary and that is the area of church discipline. When writing to the Galatians, he mentions this necessity when someone falls: ‘Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted’ (Gal. 5:1). Paul uses a different word for gentleness, but the meaning is similar as the word in our text. They are to deal with the backsliding Christian in the way we would deal with a broken jar that means a lot to us. We take the broken pieces and put them together gently. This is what Paul was saying to the person called ‘true yokefellow’ in verse 3. He was to restore Euodia and Syntyche to their former beauty, so that once again Jesus could put them up on display in his cabinet (the church). A backslider is never restored by harsh treatment. It is not surprising that an essential feature of an elder is gentleness (1 Tim. 3:3). 

A third area in which gentleness was to be seen was in the way the believers responded to their opponents. Retaliation is always a temptation, especially when a person is treated unjustly. Persecution was common for Christians in the first century, and it is found in many places in the world today. In Romans 12:19-20, Paul writes to the Christians: ‘Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. Therefore “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.”’ Even when they were taken to court, Peter says that they should ‘in your hearts regard Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defence to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behaviour in Christ may be put to shame’ (1 Pet. 3:15-16).  

Gentleness is also an indispensable aspect of true wisdom. James contrasts the wisdom from below with the wisdom from above (Jas. 2:13-18). The wisdom from below is marked by jealousy and selfish ambition resulting in disorder and every vile practice. In contrast, the wisdom that is from above is ‘first pure, then peaceable and gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere,’ and it results in a harvest of righteousness. It is interesting, and probably connected to this description, that James lived in the same house as Jesus for almost three decades and observed true gentleness every day.

Gentleness has to be cultivated within before it can be on display without. A person who has a rash spirit is not gentle; he is merely able to prevent his rash spirit being displayed. Yet if he is fuming inside, he is not gentle. Having said that, not one of us is perfect. Therefore we need to pay attention to developing gentleness. We will not get it by saying repeatedly, ‘I must be gentle.’ Instead we have to spend time with Jesus, engage earnestly in prayer for it, learn to pause before responding to provocation, and think often of the world where all the inhabitants are gentle (heaven). Gentleness is found in those who are Christlike, prayerful, careful and heavenly-minded.  

Why should we be gentle? 

Paul also gives the answer to this question when he says that we must be gentle because the Lord is near (usually when Paul refers to the Lord, he has Jesus in mind). There is some disagreement about what Paul means when he says that the Lord is near. Some think that the meaning of the phrase could be spatial, indicating that the Lord is beside us, that he is witnessing who we are at all times, that he is looking on. Imagine what Euodia and Syntyche thought when they heard that description of the Lord’s presence. The obvious implication is that should we find an ungentle attitude arising in our hearts or an ungentle word appearing on our lips, remember the Lord is beside us. The best attitude to show in his presence is gentleness because it would indicate that we are like him. 

Alternatively, the meaning of the phrase could be temporal, indicating that the coming of the Lord is near, that it could take place at any time. If this is the meaning, Paul is wanting his readers to ask themselves a simple question: ‘what would I like to be saying or doing at the very moment when Jesus returns?’ We would be very embarrassed if anyone walked into our home while we were having an argument with our spouse. One day, the greatest of all persons will arrive, unexpectedly. An essential way to prepare for his arrival is gentleness. 

Either way, the thought of being with Jesus is a major motive for developing gentleness.

Application

It is obvious that gentleness is a clear sign of Christlikeness. An image that often comes to mind with regard to the presence of gentleness and its absence is the incident involving Mary and Martha when Jesus came to their house. Mary is described as sitting calmly at the feet of Jesus whereas Martha is agitated, upset and annoyed, engaging in self-justification, and eventually complaining to Jesus only to find that he does not agree in any way with her reaction. It is obvious that Mary was not only in the posture but also in the practice of discipleship, and doing so had made her gentle.