Wives and Husbands (1 Peter 3:1-7)

In these verses, Peter deals with the third area of living honourably in the world so that those they live among will be put to silence even although those people have spoken ignorantly among the Christians. What do we see in his words, which are first addressed to wives and then to husbands?

Wives

First, the apostle mentions a problem that also arose in connection to their response to governments and of slaves to masters, which was a wrong application of Christian freedom. The wrong idea was that, because Jesus had set them free, they did not need to recognise structures in society. But if they did not recognise them, they would not be living honourably and their witness would be invalid.

 

Second, in this domestic area, conduct is more important than words. Peter highlights one possible circumstance where a wife is a Christian and her husband is not. That would have been a common situation – one biblical example is Eunice, the mother of Timothy. Humanly speaking, what is likely to influence the unbelieving husband to have an interest in Christianity is when his wife continues to show him respect while she lives a holy life. He may not deserve the respect, but if it was absent, it was unlikely that he would ever be converted.

 

Third, what matters most is not what humans see, but what God sees. Peter is not suggesting that wives do nothing with their hair, or refuse to wear jewellery, or not care about their clothes. He is saying that they should not spend too much time on that aspect of life. 

To appreciate what Peter is stressing, we need to recognise that the common outlook in the Roman world was that a wife should not embarrass her husband. Connected to this outlook was the view that a wife was expected to adopt the religion of her husband. A Christian wife could not do that, but she had to live in such a way that people would not condemn her. Therefore, Peter says that Christian wives should focus on the inner person, what they are in their hearts, an attitude that reveals true beauty. This beauty, says Peter, can be long-lasting and cannot be removed if sufficient attention is paid to it.

 

A notable example of this was Monica, the mother of Augustine. Her husband Patricius was not a Christian. Augustine, in his Confessions to God, says this of his mother’s response to her husband: ‘she never ceased to try to gain him for you as a convert, for the virtues with which you had adorned her, and for which he respected, loved, and admired her were like so many voices constantly speaking to him of you…. For she looked to you to show him mercy…. In the end she won her husband for you as a convert in the very last days of his life on earth. After his conversion she no longer had to grieve over those faults which had tried her patience before he was a Christian.’

 

What is this beauty? A gentle and quiet spirit. There are women in the Bible who had this outlook. Peter mentions one, Sarah. But another example is Mary of Bethany. She is contrasted with her sister Martha. Martha can be described in many ways, but a reader’s first response would not be to assume that she could be described as gentle and quiet. Hopefully, she became like that, after she received a rebuke from Jesus.

 

It is obvious that gentleness and quietness go together. And it is important to note that Peter is not limiting these features to women, because they should also be seen in men. But the women Peter was writing to must have had problems with showing those features. Maybe their providences were disturbing them because Peter indicates that they were facing persecution. And in such times, it would be easy not to have a tranquil spirit. Difficult providences can bring about wrong attitudes.

 

Imagine a situation where the wife, whether in a believing home or in an unbelieving home, was agitated and demanding to change things. What would the neighbours at that time think of her attitudes? They would regard it as dishonourable and consequently they would regard the Christian faith as dangerous. But if she was gentle and quiet, they would observe that the gospel produced a high quality of life.

 

Fourth, Peter says that the Lord regards this attitude as very precious. Precious includes the meaning of something valuable and worthy, and it is probably contrasted with the amount that would be spent on external appearances. God looks on the heart and bases his assessment on what is there.

 

Fifth, Peter points out that that this was what marked converted women in the Old Testament. He mentions one example – Sarah – who called Abraham by the title of Lord. When did she do this? The one example that is mentioned in the account of her life we might find surprising. It is recorded in Genesis 18:12 and it was the occasion when she laughed at the promise of God that she would give birth to a son. She said, ‘After I am worn out, and my lord is old, shall I have pleasure?’ She was rebuked by God for her unbelief, but she is commended by Peter for her attitude to her husband.

 

Sixth, Peter gives a clue to understanding the circumstances about which he is writing when he says to the wives in verse 6: ‘And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.’ The fears of what might happen made them lose their quiet trust in God and gentle attitude to life. This is an invitation to consider the way Sarah responded to situations in which she may have had cause to fear: the day Abraham told her they were leaving their secure home in response to a call from God; the way they wandered round Canaan without a building to all home; the times her husband disobeyed God and told her to lie about being his wife; the time he went off to war against powerful kings; the period when Lot’s prosperity caused them problems; the concern about Hagar and Ishmael in which God told Abraham that she was right. There was a lot to make her afraid, yet she never lost respect for him. Situations of fear should not become situations of losing tranquillity and gentleness.

 

And this helps us understand what Peter goes on to say to the husbands.

 

Husbands

First, unlike the two previous examples, Peter here speaks to the strong party in the relationships, which is a reminder that it is more likely that both members in this third relationship are Christians. What Peter meant by weaker vessel probably means physically weaker, although that is not always the case between a husband and a wife. It could also mean that in society a woman usually had no real influence, and here a Christian husband is told to treat his wife with honour, which was very counter-cultural to the common views of the time when Peter was writing.

 

Second, husbands are to notice what was distressing their wives and causing them to lose their gentle and quiet outlook. Maybe they could not cope with the pressures of the persecution as well as the husbands could, and that could have been the case with numerous other pressures as well. Various factors could cause that problem, such as worry over children. Husbands are responsible for understanding that aspect of their life together.  

 

Third, the husbands should recognise the equality that their wives had received as children of God. This recognition is part of the honour that they are to show their wives. Adoption into God’s family does not include a hierarchy. How would a husband treat another male Christian at the best of times? That is how he should regard his wife in a spiritual sense.

 

Fourth, the husbands have a special responsibility for the prayer life of the home. If the husband does not have the right response to his wife, he might as well stop praying as far as answers are concerned. Sometimes people read this as saying that it is the joint prayers of the husband and the wife that are affected, but Peter seems to say that it is the husband’s prayers that are hindered if he does not honour his wife.

 

Application

In Peter’s day, a happy home spoke volumes to a pagan culture. It seems obvious that we are heading back towards such a culture, and here is an area where Christian witness highlights the difference that God can make when his instructions are followed. It is also the case from Peter’s words that submission is a normal experience, and while he does not deal with every example it is not hard to see its importance. Even the strong are in a state of submission – the ruler to the heavenly Ruler, the master to the heavenly Master, and the husband to God.