Grieve Not the Holy Spirit of God (Ephesians 4:30)
I would like to begin with several quotations. The first is from John Calvin: ‘Endeavour that the Holy Spirit may dwell cheerfully with you, as in a pleasant and joyful dwelling, and give him no occasion for grief.’ Calvin has provided an interesting illustration in which the believer is likened to a happy home, in which the Holy Spirit could live cheerfully.
Matthew Henry’s commentary for laypeople has been used for centuries and is still valued today for its wisdom on practical matters. It says of this Pauline exhortation: ‘O provoke not the blessed Spirit of God to withdraw his presence and his gracious influences from you!’ If Calvin highlighted the possibility of a happy co-existence with the Spirit, Matthew Henry stresses the danger, indeed the disaster, of grieving the Spirit. Imagine what it would be like if the Spirit withdrew his blessings! The prospect obviously bothered Matthew Henry. Does it bother us, or do we assume it could never happen?
Moving to the twentieth century, here is a statement from Martyn Lloyd Jones: ‘In salvation, He [the Holy Spirit] has put Himself into a relationship to us in which it is possible for us to hurt Him, to grieve Him, to disappoint Him.’ Whatever else we may wish to say about that quotation, it is evident that Lloyd-Jones regarded this relationship as a very close one, but a relationship in which the Spirit of love can be disappointed.
John Stott wrote about this verse: ‘For the Holy Spirit is a sensitive Spirit. He hates sin, discord and falsehood, and shrinks away from them. Therefore, if we wish to avoid hurting him, we shall shrink from them too. Every Spirit-filled believer desires to bring him pleasure, not pain.’ His words remind us that if we are filled with the Spirit, we will not want to grieve him.
The context
We can see from Paul’s words that believers in Jesus must be different from others (vv. 17-24). Indeed, it is inevitable that they will be different from others because the grace of God has come into their lives. Nevertheless, they are responsible for ensuring that their lives are different. How different are they to be? Paul’s words are ‘put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.’ That is a very high standard, to be like the God of holiness.
How can this be attained? Paul mentions several requirements, most negative and some positive. Truthfulness is essential because, after all, God is the God of truth. Paul puts great emphasis on the use of the tongue as well as the state of one’s heart. Anger must be for the right reason. We are to be marked by compassion on the needy. Conversation should be designed to build up others in the faith. There must always be a recognition that we have been forgiven, and that we will want to forgive others. He is almost saying that before we speak, we should remind ourselves that we have been forgiven by God, that our actions should express that we have been forgiven by God, and that our attitudes should be in line with having been forgiven by God. Otherwise, we will grieve the Spirit, which is an extraordinary possibility.
The description of the Spirit
The Holy Spirit is God, and that statement reminds us that it must be serious to offend him. Sometimes, he is referred to without the adjective ‘holy’. But its inclusion here tells us what kind of Spirit he is. Holiness is a very graphic word because it points to perfection, but we also know that there are degrees of holiness. It is possible for a human to be holier than another human. Some Christians are holier than other Christians. Nevertheless, even the best know that they can be holier than they are. But that cannot be said of the Holy Spirit. He does not increase in holiness because he is always infinitely holy. His perfections cannot increase, and this means that he cannot tolerate sin. It is always offensive to him, no matter where it is found.
The word ‘grieve’ deserves our attention. After all, we would notice a person who is grieving in everyday life. Grieving is usually affected by the strength of the person who is saddened. What could be said about the grieving of an almighty person? We are not to assume that he grieves in the manner that we do. But neither are we to assume that this description is meaningless and that it does not indicate a divine response to the sins of his people.
How would we expect a divine person to react to sin during the gospel period? We could say that he would be longsuffering, but that is his reaction to the sinner, not necessarily to his sin. What if the expectation is that he is angry always with the unconverted and grieved sometimes by the converted? With both, he can be longsuffering, but there is a big difference between the two options.
What is the cause of the grieving of the Spirit? The basic answer is that his people have departed from concentrating on sanctification. What is sanctification? Many answers can be given to that question. One of the clearest and most personal is that it is the work of the Holy Spirit to conform us to the character of Jesus, to become more and more like him even although we are living in a sinful world. Would you be grieved if you saw a Christian behaving unlike Jesus, not speaking like Jesus, not acting like Jesus, not imitating Jesus? Of course, we would. Therefore, we should expect the Holy Spirit to have the perfect response to such a situation, which would be to grieve.
What will he do about the persons who cause such grief? He will restore them, but the process of restoration may not be pleasant for the offender. Inevitably, they will be convicted of their sins, and sometimes the conviction of sin experienced by a believer is much deeper than what is known by an unconverted person before they trust in Jesus. All we need to consider is psalms like 32 and 51 which describe the experience of David as he was restored spiritually by the Holy Spirit.
The motives for not grieving the Spirit
Paul provides two motives for not doing so. One is connected to the start of the Christian journey and the other is connected to its close. The one that occurred at the commencement of the journey is the sealing of the Spirit and the one linked to the completion is the day of redemption, which will occur at the second coming of Jesus. This is a reminder to all of God’s people of how long the Holy Spirit will be with his people as the seal. He will remain with them throughout eternity, but Paul is stressing here that although the Spirit can be grieved he will not leave any of his people during their earthly journey.
What is signified by saying that the Holy Spirit is a seal? Paul is referring to the common practice of a person putting a mark on a document or an item that indicated to everyone that the document or item belonged to him. The indwelling of the Spirit is the sign that a person is a Christian. Of course, the big difference is that unlike the marks on documents the Spirit is a living divine person.
Who sealed us? The answer is God the Father (Eph. 1:13). Of course, the Spirit was given for many reasons, including as a result of the promise of the Father to the Son. Jesus had promised the disciples that the Spirit would come as the Comforter. So he is the gift of heaven to those traveling there, and along the way he is the authenticator of the relationship. He interacts with them, reminding them that they belong to God, helping them to pray to the Father and providing them with the blessings of salvation.
Who can see the seal? We are not speaking about literal observation. Obviously, God the Father can see the mark of ownership and recognises that they are his children. Jesus can see the seal and is aware that those with the seal are the subjects of his intercession. The Holy Spirit sees them as he sanctifies them. So we recognise that the knowledge of believers by the divine persons is constant and loving.
In contrast to that divine knowledge, the devil is aware that believers are indwelt by the Spirit and will do what he can to ensure that their experiences fall short from what they could have had. That is why he tempts us. How many of the sins listed by Paul in this passage are the outcomes of temptations from the devil? Yet it is a powerful argument in our spiritual conflicts that we have the seal of the Spirit upon us.
When a person sent an item to a destination, there would be satisfaction and relief when it arrived. If it was something of value given as an expression of love, it would be looked at with eagerness. Imagine what is going to happen on the day of redemption. Redemption is a word taken from purchasing. Jesus purchased his people on the cross, the Holy Spirit became the seal when they believed in Jesus, but both the purchasing and the sealing had in view the day when all the ransomed will be redeemed.
What is point of mentioning that day here? The answer is obvious. We are to think of what we will be like on that day when Jesus returns, and our aim should be to be as close to it as possible now. We recall McCheyne’s prayer: “Lord, make me as holy as a pardoned sinner can be.’ On that day, when we will reach the destination of the new heavens and new earth, we will be perfect in soul and body. I received a letter the other day, but despite the mark of the Royal Mail on it, there was a tear on it. The strange thing is that although we will have gone through many a conflict in this life we will be perfect. We will not be like old soldiers who are crippled as a result of their actions; we will not be like athletes whose efforts hinder them in the future. At last, we will be like Jesus, and we will be like him forever.
Applications
When do we grieve the Holy Spirit as Christians? The answer is very clear – it happens when we don’t live as Christians. The various sins that Paul mentions in the context should not be the sins of believers. They belong to their old way of life and they should have been mortified.
What happens when we grieve the Spirit? Again, the answer is clear – we stop him from producing the fruit of the Spirit in our hearts. We know what the fruit of the Spirit is – love, joy, peace, etc. Are we experiencing them? If not, the most likely reason is that we have grieved the Holy Spirit.
Maybe we should think of how irrational it is to grieve him as well as being very unspiritual. He has come to us to bless us, to sanctify us, to lead us to glory. How strange that believers should then engage in attitudes and actions that hinder that taking place! Surely, our response should be not to grieve him.
Paul mentions two motives and it would be a good exercise to think about them. Should we be about to engage in the sins mentioned by Paul, we should remind ourselves that we have been sealed with the gracious Spirit and he is working to bring us to the day of redemption. Thinking about the future enables us to relate well to the Holy Spirit in the present.
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