Grieving the Holy Spirit (Eph. 4:30)

As we can see from the context, Paul is concerned about Christian behaviour among the Ephesians and his main concern is how God’s people speak to one another. It is obvious that Paul regards change of speech to be an essential evidence of conversion, but it is also obvious that he realised that Christians could indulge in wrong forms of speech. He points out that conversations between Christians should be a means of grace (v. 29). His words indicate that Christian listeners should be stronger believers after hearing what another Christian says to them. Needless to say, he is calling for communication that is very different from other conversations, even everyday normal ones, in which they might engage. We can deduce that a Christian can be recognised by the topics of his conversation.

The apostle then indicates that wrong forms of conversation grieve the Holy Spirit. We know that grieve is a strong word – we usually use it when speaking of how a person responds to a death of a loved one or a close friend. Probably we find it unusual that Paul should choose to use such a word of a divine being who is omniscient and would have known about such wrong practices long before they occurred. Yet we should also remember that Paul has been guided by the Holy Spirit to choose this term to describe his response to wrong conversations.

Grieving the Spirit

The first detail that we can deduce from this graphic term is that it reminds us that the Holy Spirit is a person. Often we think of him as an influence or a power, but such descriptions only point to his activities. While it is not easy to define what a person is, one common way is to say that a person has a mind, emotions and a will. Those three features are mentioned about the Spirit. In Romans 8:27, Paul writes: ‘And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.’ That verse mentions the mind of the Spirit. There are many verses that refer to the choice of the Spirit. In Acts 7:29, we read that ‘the Spirit said to Philip, “Go over and join this chariot.”’ And our verse from Ephesians 4, with its reference to grieving, tells us that the Holy Spirit has emotions.

Moreover, we know that the Holy Spirit is a divine person – this the only place in Paul’s writings where he uses the full title ‘the Holy Spirit of God’. The Spirit is one of the three persons of the Trinity along with the Father and the Son. The Spirit is equal with them as far as possession of divine attributes are concerned, but each of them have different roles. In Genesis 1, we are told that the Holy Spirit made the created earth ready for the creative activities of God during the creation week. Down Old Testament history he participated in various ways. Before the flood he strove with humans. In Israel, he came on gifted people such as prophets, psalmists, priests and kings. Through the Scriptures, he informed Israel of the coming Messiah.

The Holy Spirit was involved in all that the Saviour did when he was here on earth. He formed the human nature of the Saviour in the womb of Mary, he came on the Saviour in a special way at his baptism, it was by the Spirit that the Saviour performed miracles, and the Spirit was involved in the death of Jesus as he offered himself to God. The Spirit enabled the Saviour to rise from the dead and when Jesus ascended to heaven he sent the Spirit in a special way to inhabit his people.

The Spirit and us

Now, the Holy Spirit is a divine person who indwells each believer. It is important to think about this as we consider the possibility of grieving him. So here are a few aspects of his work in those of us who believe in Jesus. It was the Holy Spirit who helped us to understand the gospel and showed to us the suitability of the Saviour to meet the needs of our souls. At some stage, the Holy Spirit convicted us of our sins and we discovered in some degree what kind of people we were and why we needed to trust in Jesus for salvation. Then, at a moment during that period he regenerated us (gave us new life) and we trusted in Jesus. This is far more important to appreciate than whether or not our conversion was a Damascus Road one or a quiet one like Lydia had in Philippi.

When we trusted in Jesus, the Spirit who had convicted us and instructed us about the loveliness of the Saviour came to live in our hearts. The general term that is used for his actions within us is sanctification and this is a work that he delights to engage in because it involves him remaking us in the image of Jesus. Moreover, he gives to each believer a special gift or gifts that enables him or her to participate in the life of the church and so bring glory to God. Those gifts are not given in order to create a spirit of competition. Instead they all complement one another, and when that happens, a church is a beautiful place.

In addition, the indwelling Holy Spirit stimulates each of his people to pray. Connected to their prayers he often provides a strong sense of assurance so that they can address God as ‘Abba, Father.’ He conveys to their souls many samples of life from the heavenly world such as peace, happiness, delight in God’s grace, and comforts in times of trial.

The Spirit is the ever-present companion throughout every moment of the day and night. He is there when we take up the Bible to read it, he is there when we are given an opportunity to speak about Jesus, he is there when we have to make a sudden prayer, he is there when we engage in our normal prayers, and he is there when we meet with other believers. And we know that he is there when we don’t know what to say, and all we can do is groan.

This is the one we grieve with our sins of speech and other ways. If another human did something great for us, I doubt if we would do anything to make him unhappy. Yet no one has done for us what the Holy Spirit has done in our lives. Without the Holy Spirit, we would not make anything of the death of Jesus and without the Holy Spirit we would not have taken one step in the Christian life. How can we grieve such a gracious Spirit! But we do.

How do we affect the Holy Spirit?

John Calvin commented on this verse: ‘Endeavour that the Holy Spirit may dwell cheerfully with you, as in a pleasant and joyful dwelling, and give him no occasion for grief.’ That’s a beautiful way of describing how the Spirit should feel in our hearts – cheerful. Matthew Henry advised his readers, ‘O provoke not the blessed Spirit of God to withdraw his presence and his gracious influences from you!’ His warning tells us of a danger we face. Persistent sin affects him to such an extent that he is not willing to provide us with spiritual comfort. This is a reminder that he is very sensitive when it comes to tolerated sin in the lives of his people.

I want to give another quotation, this time from Martyn Lloyd Jones: ‘In salvation, He has put Himself into a relationship to us in which it is possible for us to hurt Him, to grieve Him, to disappoint Him.’ Lloyd Jones then points out that this possibility points to the amazing fact that here we have a relationship of love, and as we know love can be sad when things go wrong.

Other similar references

I suppose this should lead us to ask if there are any other references in the Bible to God being grieved about human sin. One is found in Genesis 6:6: ‘And the Lord regretted that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him to his heart.’ What was the outcome of that grieving? The flood. Another reference is found in Isaiah 63:10, about the children of Israel: ‘But they rebelled and grieved his Holy Spirit.’ What was the outcome? ‘Therefore he turned to be their enemy, and himself fought against them’ (Isa. 63:11). There is also a reference to Israel grieving the Lord in Psalm 78:40, and subsequent punishment. Clearly, grieving the Lord by their sins was very dangerous for them.

Of course, Paul is not saying to the Ephesians that they have yet grieved the Holy Spirit. Instead he is saying that they are in danger of doing so by their wrong words and other sins. And he mentions three reasons for comfort in this verse, and I suppose we can say that they are also three challenges.

Three reasons for comfort or challenge

The first reason we can call Under New Management and Paul refers to this reality when he says that the Holy Spirit is the seal that marks us. This is the second time in his letter that he has highlighted this aspect of the Spirit’s work (1:13-14). As we noted when looking at that verse, a seal was a mark put on an object to indicate who its owner was. God the Father marks his people by giving to each of them the Holy Spirit as the permanent sign that they belong to him.

The old management is mentioned in verse 27 – the devil – and he is keen to regain control of his property. Paul indicates that one way by which the devil can do that is through the wrong use of words, whether it is lies or anger expressed in words. The fact is, we are under the control of somebody and our words indicate who. It is either the Holy Spirit or the devil. What is life like under the new management. We see a description of it in verse 29: words ‘such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.’ And again in verse 32: ‘Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.’ If we are doing that, we can be comforted by being under new management.

The second cause of comfort is the little word ‘for’, which is sometimes translated as ‘unto’. It means that there is a day of arrival coming for the Father’s property. We can imagine a boat or a cart carrying a box with a mark on it. Someone asks, ‘What is the point of the mark?’ He is told, ‘The mark indicates that the box belongs to an owner and when we reach our destination it will be delivered to him.’ And although the boat or the cart goes through all kinds of weather, nothing can take the mark of the box. Wherever the box goes, the mark goes too. In a far higher sense, this is true of the heavenly mark, the Holy Spirit. His people go through all kinds of situations and experiences, but the mark of the Spirit remains. It is a great comfort to know this, but it is also a challenge because unlike the box I can take my mark where he might not want to go and to listen to things that he might not want to hear.

The third reason is that we should think of our future, or the time that Paul calls the Day of Redemption. By this term, he is referring to the second coming of Jesus. He has in mind the Old Testament ritual in which the redeemed were liberated in order to enjoy their inheritance. I suppose we could ask who will be the happiest on the Day of Redemption when all the happy children of God are gathered together, each of them glorified and conformed to the character of Jesus. I reckon it will be the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit as they see the people of God all together and not a bad word among them.

So what should be our response to this verse? It must be to resolve not to grieve the Holy Spirit of God, our gracious, gentle Sanctifier, the One who wants to make us like Jesus in our character. He has a longterm goal to be fulfilled at the Day of Redemption, and our eye should be on that day as well. Thinking about the future enables us to relate well to the Holy Spirit in the present. Maybe one problem is that we don’t think enough about the wonderful future when believers will know the Spirit’s work in his fullness.