Rules for Christian Households (Colossians 3:18–4:1)

This sermon was preached on 19/5/2011

As we have seen in recent studies, Paul has been describing life in the new humanity that has been formed through sinners believing the gospel. Paul has described three basic features of this new society – they wear the garment of love (expressed in different ways as mentioned by Paul), they enjoy the blessing of inner peace in their hearts (by submitting to the authority of Jesus), and they engage in mutual edification, often by singing together the inspired songs of scripture. Paul continues by dealing with a question that would have arisen in the minds of his readers, which is: ‘Paul, it is all very well to speak about a new humanity. But we are living in relationships connected to the old humanity, especially has exemplified in the basic feature of first-century life, that of households. How can we live as members of the new humanity in everyday life?’ So applies his teaching to the three areas of household life – husbands and wives, parents and children, masters and slaves (because they were what everyday life was for most people).

The home of such households would be the place where the church would gather (in Colosse, we are told by Paul in his letter to Philemon that the church met in the house of Philemon, and that Philemon was a husband, a father, and an owner of slaves). In verse 15 of Colossians 4, he refers to a lady called Nympha in whose a church met. Priscilla and Aquila had churches in their homes, whether in Rome or in Corinth. In Romans 16, Paul mentions several different homes in which sections of the church in Rome met.

Elsewhere in the New Testament, we read of other households. Paul mentions that he baptised the household of Stephanus and he prays for the household of Onesiphorus. Luke, when describing the coming of the gospel in Philippi, mentions the household of Lydia and of the Philippian jailor. These households would become the core groups within a congregation, giving it a platform for continued growth in the wider community.

We live in a very individualised society in which each person makes his own decisions. It was very different in Paul’s day. When a person hears the gospel in our town, he will reject it or accept it by himself. In Paul’s day, such freedom would only be possessed by the head of a household. If the head rejected it, the household publicly would rejected it (although individuals within it could accept the gospel, but with a heavy price. It is likely that Paul’s family in Tarsus rejected his gospel, and the outcome was that he lost everything). But if the head of the household accepted the gospel, then usually his family did as well and became identified with the church through baptism (as Luke describes what happened in Philippi in Acts 19).

Paul knew that it was important for households to function properly in order for there to be a credible witness in the community. Roman society laid great stress on household life and would not have been impressed by a message that diminished what they deemed important. Of course, its emphases were not the same as the aspects Paul goes on to describe, which means that Christian households had the opportunity of bearing witness to the effects of the gospel. They were not to show a lesser commitment to households than did their neighbours; instead they were to have a stronger commitment to proper household life.

This common desire of society was therefore a suitable accompaniment to the Bible’s teaching on family life. The family, whether nuclear or extended, is the basis of godly society. It is God’s revealed will for human life, and it is strengthened in the church with its understanding of family values expressed in connection with infant baptism.

In the passage in Colossians, Paul deals most with the relationship between master and slave, and this emphasis is probably connected to the return of Onesimus, the runaway slave to Philemon, one of the leaders in the Colossians church. In a parallel passage in Ephesians, Paul writes most about the relationship between husbands and wives, and also says more about the relationship between parents and children.

Before we look at what Paul says regarding each relationship, it is useful to remind ourselves of basic principles of the Christian life. First, some may respond and say that Paul’s requirements are unrealistic and too difficult to obey – the answer to this assessment is that Christians have been given the power of the indwelling Spirit.

Second, some may respond and say they did not come from a Christian family and don’t know what to do. The answer to this dilemma is to follow the example of Jesus. This is what Paul does when he writes to husbands in Ephesians 5 – he tells them to imitate the sacrificial love of Christ. Children have an example in Jesus by imitating what he did as a child when he obeyed his parents. Slaves can copy the way Jesus worked as a humble carpenter, and masters can imitate the style of compassionate leadership provided by Jesus for his disciples.

Third, we can take a common thrust of the previous verses, which is the presence of the spirit of thanksgiving, and maintain a grateful attitude as each relationship is worked out. In each relationship, there should be gratitude for providence that has brought us in contact with others who serve God, and there should be gratitude for divine grace which will help us live for Jesus, even in difficult circumstances.

We should also remember that Paul here is describing the usual household setting. He was fully aware that some households did not have each relationship in an ideal manner. Lydia was head of her household, which could mean she was unmarried or a widow. Timothy’s father had no interest in the spiritual affairs of the family home and Timothy was raised spiritually by his mother and grandmother. Not every household would have slaves or children. So as we go through Paul’s comments, we should make necessary adjustments for our own situations.

It is also important to realise that Paul’s teaching here is very much against the opinions of modern people, and this goes for each relationship. We’re familiar with the objections to his demand that wives submit to their husbands, but many strongly disagree with his urging obedience on children or on slaves. These objections tell us something about society. First, they tell us that society recognises that something is wrong in household life and have suggested alternative methods; second, they tell us that society is completely ignorant of the power of God’s grace to bring new humanity living into every way of life. We have to remember that in each relationship, the participants should be wearing the garment of love, should be conscious of the peace of Christ, and should be speaking of spiritual matters.

Wives and husbands

Paul speaks first to the wives (v. 18). We should note the stress that he lays on their practical union with Christ as they are reminded that the apostle’s charge is connected to what is fit in the Lord. In other words, since everything in life is an expression of obedience to Christ, so they are to obey Christ in this area as well as long as their husbands don’t cause them to disobey Christ.

The word ‘submit’ is not a popular word today, although submission is found in many areas of life. Submission will occur wherever there is authority. We submit to the government, soldiers submit to their officers, footballers in a team submit to the will of their manager. If submission does not occur in these areas, then there will be confusion. Nevertheless, many object to a submissive role in a household, and some even say that it is unchristian. But submission is biblical, and an obvious example of submission is that shown by the Son of God to the will of his Father. The Son submitted, even although he was equal to the Father. Not only does the Son submit to the will of the Father, so also does the Holy Spirit, who submits to being sent by the Father and the Son. Yet the Spirit is equal with the Father and the Son. Not only are the Son and the Spirit equal with the Father in power and glory, their roles as submissive are of great significance because they are the greatest activities that can be performed (aspects of the work of salvation).

The call of wives to submit is not a denial of equality with husbands. Instead it is a recognition and acceptance of the wise will of God. Neither is the submission of a wife an indicator that her role is insignificant – there is not an essential connection between submission and significance.

The respective roles of husband and wife regarding submission require a great deal of study, and there are many books on the topic. For the present, we can summarise in this way. The authority of the husband is not dictatorial, it is not dismissive of his wife’s opinions or concerns, and it is not above the authority of God’s instructions in his word. The submission is temporary, because it is only for this life. Further, the submission is a test from God, as to whether or not his commandments will be honoured. In addition, the submission is an expression of trust in her husband that he will do what is best.

Having stated that wives serve Christ by obeying their husbands, Paul now reminds husbands that they serve Christ by loving their wives, especially by not being harsh with them. It may have been the case that Paul highlights this particular problem because it was common in Colosse. The idea behind harshness is irritableness and impatience, or expressions of annoyance. While it is the case that physical harshness is also prohibited by Paul, it is important to note that such verbal expressions are incompatible with the life of the new humanity. The leadership model for husbands is Jesus’ sacrificial love.

Children and parents

Paul’s words to children here are a reminder that children were present in church services, and that it is appropriate to have something said to them (we do it mainly by a children’s talk). Obviously, the children he has in mind are old enough to understand his teaching. From his words, we can see that parental requirements should be consistent in that both make the same rules for their children. Further, the obedience is to be comprehensive (in everything), which I would take to be a reminder to parents not to make unnecessary demands of their children. In particular, Paul addresses fathers in Colosse and he wants them to realise their responsibility in maintaining a congenial atmosphere in the home so that the children will develop.

The provoking to be avoided is that which comes out of unfair discipline. I recall reading a story of Horatius Bonar. His son had been caught by a neighbour climbing on some rocks in search of birds’ eggs. The furious neighbour marched Bonar’s son to his house and said to Bonar, ‘I hope you give him a sound thrashing.’ Bonar replied, ‘If I thrashed the boy for that, what would I do if he old me a lie?’ The son gives this testimony of his father: ‘So skilfully did he exercise his guidance as a father, that I never felt the rein that was driving me. I admired his strength and firmness, and as a schoolboy I felt him to be always absolutely fair. He laid himself out to be approachable, and he continually invited my confidence. He liked me to tell him everything, and he was easy to come to.’

Slaves and Masters (3:22–4:1)

In a literal sense, this relationship does not exist in our part of the world (although it may exist elsewhere). Nevertheless there are principles for employees and employers in Paul’s words. As mentioned earlier, the focus on slaves may have been caused by Onesimus’ previously rebellious behaviour and Paul would not want other slaves to imitate him and run away.

From one point of view, slavery is the sad outcome of the old humanity, an expression of man’s callous indifference to his fellow humans. Can grace operate in such a disagreeable situation and can the principles of the new humanity work there? Paul’s answer is yes, to both questions. No matter how difficult, and slaves would have no way of avoiding arduous demands from an unjust master, God’s grace could enable them to live for him there.

The only way to live in such a way is to put the Lord first and recognise that primarily one’s labour is done for him. There was probably a possibility of a slave in a Christian household, recognising the graciousness of his master, abusing his status by not performing his role. So a slave had to remember that the Lord saw the state of his heart and would know why and how his work was done. Jesus wants his people to serve him wholeheartedly, and the service of slaves was measured by its completeness, by its sincerity, and by its fervency. There was to no uncompleted tasks or sullen expressions. Furthermore, good work for an earthly master would bring no reward from him for his Christian slaves, but such work will bring a great reward from Jesus when he returns – a share in his inheritance. Failure to do such work, however, will result in loss of aspects of that future life in God’s inheritance.

Masters are reminded that they too are accountable for the way they treat their slaves. The implication is that Jesus will judge any master who is not just and fair with his slaves.

I suppose we can wonder what effect Paul’s words had on the households connected to the church in Colosse. We will have to wait for the day of judgement to find that out. Meanwhile we can ask what effect his teaching has on the households in Greyfriars.