The Fifth Commandment

This sermon was preached on 6/1/2011

We have observed that the ten commandments are divided into two groups: the first four concern love for God and the second set of six concern love for our neighbour. One consequence of neighbourly love will be the formation and continuation of a healthy society and we can see how each of the six commandments are expressions of important aspects of such a civilisation or community. It is important to note that the commandments are working towards producing such a society, and the God-given order is (1) worship of God, seen in the first four commandments; (2) family life, described in the fifth commandment; and (3) contact with others, described in the remaining five commandments.

There is a certain sense in which the commandments depict the ideal life in a fallen world (there are not going to be parents and children in the next world). The Lord wanted his covenant people to have such a life, even although he knew that they were sinful and going to fail in each of the three areas mentioned in the previous paragraph. So it is biblical and possible to aim for as high a level as possible.

The ten commandments are also given in an order of priority. It is the duty of the covenant community to put God first, the family unit second, and their neighbourhood (both nearby and more distant) third. If we want to have good families, we must put God first; if we want a healthy society, we must put God first and families second. Doing this will not deprive society of resources. In earlier studies we noted that if a person keeps the first four commandments, he is not liable to break the remaining six. Similarly, if a person does not honour his parents, then he is capable of breaking the remaining five. But if he honours his parents, then he is likely to tell the truth, not steal or kill, or attempt to break up other families by committing adultery.

So the ten commandments reveal that the family unit is God’s design. It was he who thought of it. The family is not a product of evolution, of a stage in human development. Instead it was there in the beginning and is a relic of the life of Eden that would have become visible if the original human parents had retained their initial sinless condition.

This commandment is very relevant for our society. It is the case that family life has almost disappeared. The modern changes began in the 1960s when many previous standards were rejected and new attitudes, marketed as expressions of personal freedom, began to be introduced. We have lived to see the effects, not only in the number of broken families, but even within families that have stayed together. Of course, upholders of the biblical demands will be regarded as old-fashioned and retrograde. Nevertheless the necessity of obedience to this commandment will be a means of displaying a different kind of lifestyle in which family love and respect are part of daily life.

Having said that, we should note that Paul says that disobedience to this commandment is a sign of divine judgement. In Romans 1 he traces the consequences of idolatry and immorality, which are expressions of rejection of God, and notes what his response is: ‘And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done. They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Though they know God’s decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them’ (Rom. 1:28-32).

In 2 Timothy 3:1-5 Paul reminds his colleague that disobedience to parents will be a feature of the last days (the period between the first and second comings of Jesus): ‘But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power.’ So we should not be surprised to see a refusal to acknowledge this commandment all around us.

Jesus, in Matthew 15, charged the Pharisees with breaking this commandment by the practice of the system of Corban. A person could avoid using his assets to help his needy parents in the present by saying his assets were dedicated to God. Of course, he had no intention of giving them to God. Yet the Pharisees approved of such sinful adjustments of God’s will.

A hidden assumption

There is a hidden assumption in this commandment that Paul brings out when he refers to it in his letter to the Ephesians. The assumption is that parents, particularly fathers, will bring up their children in a manner that will command respect and honour from them. Why should parents do this?

As noted earlier, this commandment is in the middle, between the ones that pertain to God on the one hand and to society on the other. The role of parents is to prepare children to live in both of these other areas. Parents do this by teaching their children the meaning of respect.

The term translated ‘honour’ means heavy or weighty. Parents have to teach their children to respect them. They do this, says Paul, by guiding them in the training and instruction of the Lord. The manual for this process is the Bible and the school is the various circumstances of life. It is not so much rote learning but ongoing application of biblical stories and principles.

Obeying the commandment

Obedience to this commandment is comprehensive. In Colossians 3:23, Paul says that children are to obey their parents in everything. This does not mean that parents are dictatorial, suppressing the development of their children. Instead it means that everything the parents demand has previously had God’s approval. Parents have the responsibility of ensuring that all their demands are biblical. Nevertheless the extent of obedience is as wide as the parents legitimately desire.

Obedience to this commandment is covenantal. In Ephesians 6:1, Paul tells the children in the church in Ephesus, ‘Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right,’ and then quotes this commandment. How can these children be regarded as ‘in the Lord’. I don’t think he is speaking only to those who have been converted. Instead he is addressing those who have become members of the visible congregation by baptism. When that significant event took place, they were entered into a covenant relationship with God.

Obedience to this commandment is Christ-like. Jesus submitted himself to the authority of Joseph and Mary. We recall the incident recorded in Luke 2:41-52 that relates what occurred when the twelve-year-old Jesus went to the temple. Although at that age he had begun to understand the purpose of his coming into this world, he still freely chose to obey them. The outcome was that he grew in favour with God and man – his obedient lifestyle made a great impression on those who saw him daily in Nazareth.

Obedience to this commandment gives confidence about life. Paul highlights that this commandment contains a promise of earthly prosperity. He is not saying that the motive for obedience is prosperity – the motive should be love for God and parents. Yet God graciously promises that he will bless those who honour their parents, which shows the delight he has in this commandment. It is not a 100% promise in a literal sense because we know that many converted children in the past died when they were young. But in general, those who obeyed their parents could expect God’s care and provision.

Obedience to this commandment extends to adulthood. In 1 Timothy 5:2-8, Paul tells Timothy what to say about responsibility for widows. He points out that ‘if a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God.’ He even makes such care an aspect of authentic Christian living: ‘But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever’ (v. 8). Honour has to be shown to them when they are old as well as when they were younger.

Preparing children to keep this commandment is costly for parents. Parents must use their God-given talents in the upbringing of their children. Their highest priority is to raise them for God. Therefore, whatever God has given should be used for this purpose. Parents must also give time to ensure that their children are aware of the demands of God’s Word. This requires talking to them about the things of God. They should note Deuteronomy 6:6-8: ‘And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.’